


AU where Leo comes back from university with a Hoshidan boyfriend and all Garon is mad about is that his Nohrian son is now a vegan

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Homophobia scare, M/M, Satire, Veganphobia, Xenophobia scare, awkward family dinner, or an attempt at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:24:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's exactly what it says.





	AU where Leo comes back from university with a Hoshidan boyfriend and all Garon is mad about is that his Nohrian son is now a vegan

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% independent of my university AU. This ain’t even serious. It’s satire, or at least my first attempt at it, so it’s extremely amateur. I don’t even know if I understand what satire is. I just associate it with The Onion. Let me know what you think so I can be less shit ty
> 
> Also, be warned: I’ve had friends tell me I have a strange sense of humor, like if this isn’t funny and it’s just offensive and uncomfortable pls set me straight

The night he was meant to meet Leo’s family, Takumi was nervous as hell. Sure, he’d heard of the stern older brother, overprotective older sister, and clingy younger sister (never describing them as such to his boyfriend’s face), but meeting them in person was a whole other matter. His boyfriend had his own quirks, but after having spent the better part of two years together, Takumi had reason enough to believe that Leo was worth it all.

Leo had picked him up from his house on the other side of town, spending the majority of the thirty-minute drive coaching Takumi how to respond to his father and trying to calm his nerves.

“You’ll be fine, Takumi,” Leo insisted, reaching for his boyfriend with one hand while the other rested dutifully on the steering wheel. “Even if they don’t accept you, I will no matter what.”

“Accepting me as a Hoshidan is only one of two issues,” Takumi pointed out. “You haven’t come out to them yet. They won’t accept that I’m also a guy.”

“Camilla and the others won’t mind.”

“Your father, Leo.”

Silence followed.

“It’s fine,” Leo asserted, though this time it was less clear whether he was speaking to himself or to the passenger next to him. “It’ll be fine.”

They pulled into the driveway of Leo’s home, a two-story house of the French Provincial style that was so wide that it bordered on being a mansion. Takumi had seen pictures of this place on Leo’s Facebook profile, or pinned to the dingy walls of his college dorm room, or on his computer when Leo invited him to share memories he was fond of. Leo grew up in this place, and Takumi couldn’t help but imagine a little Leo running around and laughing with no restraint, until he tripped on nothing and got a booboo on the sidewalk. He thinks that Leo would have been the type to stand right back up and brush the dirt off his clothes, but he entertained the idea of Leo making a huge fuss over a teeny-tiny scrape, crying until snot dribbled out of his nose, and Camilla or even his mother would gather him into her arms to comfort him. Takumi himself was hungry for attention _and_ an ugly crier, and sadly it took him longer than he wanted to grow up.

Leo parked his car somewhere near the door. Takumi wasn’t sure whether they could already be seen from the windows. He unbuckled his seatbelt while Leo hurried to his side to open the door for him. Takumi thought it was unnecessary, but in anticipation of other less-than-favorable interactions tonight, he bit back his criticism and said, “Thanks.”

The two stepped up to the double doors at the front of the house. They were big, heavy-looking things carved with menacing shapes and creatures, but rather than being intimidated, Takumi briefly wondered whether Leo’s father was trying to compensate for something.

Takumi fiddled with his clothes. “How do I look?”

“Perfect,” Leo said, fixing a stray strand of hair. “You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Takumi mumbled. He nodded to the door. “Let’s do it.”

Leo quickly took Takumi’s head in his hands and kissed his forehead. “I love you,” he whispered, looking into his eyes.

Takumi squeezed Leo’s arms—still raised to hold him—and he nodded. “I love you, too.”

With a smile, Leo opened the door and announced, “I’m home!”

Immediately, hurried footsteps flew down the hallway upstairs. The first to greet them was Elise, the younger sister.

“Leo!” she shouted as soon as she came into view. She flinched backward when her eyes met Takumi’s (to which he waved a humble “Hello”), but the grin on her face doubled in size before she turned in the direction of where she came and hollered, “Camilla! Leo’s back!”

“Elise,” Leo commentated with a lazy gesture.

Takumi nodded. “Elise.”

The older brother, Xander, emerged from a room downstairs which was assumedly the kitchen judging by how he was wiping his hands on a dishtowel. 

He nodded to Leo, having seen him a mere hour earlier, and extended a hand to Takumi. “Welcome to our home. My name is Xander.”

Takumi shook his hand. “I’m Takumi, Leo’s boyfriend.”

Xander smiled (if one can still call it that while his brow remained so tense) and said simply, “Pleased to finally meet you.”

Xander returned to the kitchen. Takumi looked to Leo, who offered a reassuring smile before taking Takumi’s hand and following Xander deeper into the house. He let go as they neared the dining room, in which Leo’s father was already seated, engrossed in the day’s newspaper. 

Leo gulped; his mouth was a little dry, but he blamed it on the long drive. “Father, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

His father (Garon, Takumi remembered well) looked up from his newspaper, and Leo noticed Xander glance backward. Garon did not speak. He simply stared at Leo, eyes flitting to the young man next to him before settling back on Leo, waiting for an explanation.

Takumi broke the silence. “M-my—” _Fuck._ “—my name is Takumi. I’ve been dating your son for the past two years. Thank you for inviting me over this evening.”

Garon’s gaze was suffocating and seemingly accusatory, and Takumi resisted the urge to do a _saikeirei_ right then and there.

No, Takumi would hold his ground. Leo was worth it! He and Leo were in this together!

Garon grunted and returned to his newspaper. Leo nearly let out a sigh of relief, thinking he would leave it at that. Then, Garon asked, “You Hoshidan, boy?”

“I am,” Takumi said, looking down. It hurt Leo that Takumi would say this with such humility. He knew Takumi took pride in his culture.

“Hmph,” Garon grunted, snapping his newspaper into a better angle.

Leo glanced at his boyfriend and tried to hold back that feeling that they were out of the woods by reminding himself this was only the start of the evening. Things were never that simple with his father, after all.

An amalgam of footsteps made its way down the stairs. Elise ran in and eagerly extended a hand toward Takumi. “I’m Elise. Congratulations on putting up with Leo for so long!”

“ _Elise_ ,” Leo sighed.

“He’s not so bad,” Takumi said easily.

Leo rolled his eyes.

“Leo,” a new voice chimed in, “how nice of you to finally let us meet your g—” A tall woman walked into the room. Camilla, the older sister.

“Boyfriend,” she finished, smiling politely. She offered her hand to Takumi, but the gesture was one of those effeminate ones that he wasn’t used to and he could not brush off the awkwardness left in the wake of his attempt to shake her fingers.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Xander said from the kitchen. “Camilla, can you assist me with this?”

“Of course,” Camilla replied. 

Elise followed. “Should I set the table?” 

“Do you need help?” Takumi offered. The commotion in the kitchen was starting to make him anxious; he _hated_ feeling useless.

“It’s alright, just sit down,” Leo said. He pulled out a chair, but went into the kitchen at the last second. _Bastard_ , thought Takumi. But Leo was not completely insensitive to him, and returned before Garon had the chance to commence his interrogation. However, Leo had to question whether his father _did_ have that sort of intention, for he seemed much too engrossed in his newspaper to spare any attention to his son who was scared shitless about this night just days before.

Camilla joined soon after, and once the table was set so did Elise. Xander arranged the food in the center before settling down. The seating configuration was as follows: Garon and Xander as the heads of the table, Elise and Camilla next to each other, Leo and Takumi next to each other. Takumi and Camilla sat closer to Xander, and Leo and Elise sat next to Garon.

Garon finally folded his newspaper and set it on the ground. He looked at his children and said, “Grace?”

Takumi glanced at Leo, whom he knew wasn’t as in tune with his family’s religion as he used to be. Leo had been staring at Xander, but he must have lost some bet or had some unspoken agreement because he relented and led the prayer over the food.

“Hands,” Garon curtly instructed, and Takumi could practically hear the groan Leo would have paired with his expression.

The family joined hands, Takumi participating out of courtesy, and Leo began, “Heavenly Father…”

When the blessings were concluded, food was passed around the table. Many offers were made to Takumi, and he accepted as few as he thought were polite enough, which was still unfortunately too much food. 

Camilla offered a slice of meat to her younger brother. “Leo, would you like this piece of ham?”

Leo declined with a wave. “No, thanks. I don’t eat meat anymore.”

Everyone at the table froze, with the exception of Takumi, whose eyes darted from person to person as he tried to figure out what the heck happened.

“What do you mean?” Camilla said, the same cut of meat still skewered by the serving fork.

“I went vegan,” Leo explained.

“But… how does that work?” Elise asked. “Like, you _only_ eat veggies?”

“If it’s from an animal, I don’t eat it.” 

“Then how do you two go on dates?” Elise continued. “How do you live?” 

“Valla isn’t Nohr, Elise,” Leo answered. “They’re much more accommodating there.”

“Are you not concerned how this makes you look to others?” Xander asked. “Aren’t you worried about being seen as less of a man?”

“I don’t understand,” Leo said. 

“Meat is manly, Leo. Vegetables...” Xander made ambiguous motions with his hands. “… _aren’t_.”

“What’s not manly about wanting to be healthier? A person can easily satisfy their dietary requirements with plants or plant-based foods, and without the expense of harming sentient animals that are raised in inhumane conditions.”

Camilla and Elise gasped simultaneously. Xander fumed. Garon slammed his fist on the table.

“ _This_ is how you repay my generosity in allowing you to study outside of the Nohrian district?” he seethed. “By becoming a veganarchist? A salad shooter? A… a herbiwhore?”

Takumi’s jaw dropped, but he said nothing.

Garon continued, “You been exposed to it. I’ve let you be exposed to it. The _vegans_. And now you’ve caught that veganism like a virus.” If he wasn’t inside his own home he probably would have hacked up something to spit on the ground to punctuate his utter revulsion. “Do you intend to spread it to us now?” He gestured at his other children. “Do you intend to expose Elise to this blasphemy?”

Leo was unfazed by his father’s criticism. “Father, forgive me for saying so, but your mindset is flawed. It’s not a disease. It’s my _life_ , and I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to impose your beliefs on me.”

Elise clapped her hands to her mouth. Xander’s eyes widened.

Camilla frowned. “Forgive me, Leo, but isn’t it a belief that veganism isn’t good for your body? You need meat to survive, right? I mean, if you went without it just imagine what it would do to your children.” She looked apologetically at Takumi. “That is, in the case of a surrogate or… something.”

“Uh…” Takumi trailed off, unable to follow it up with anything.

Leo replied, “The benefits outweigh the risks, if there are any.”

Camilla leaned forward and whispered, “But what if your children are also born vegan?”

“So be it,” Leo said.

Xander shook his head. “It’s against nature.”

"You appendix has a second opinion," Leo countered.

Garon added, “It’s against Anankos’ will.”

Leo scoffed, “So my aversion to consuming flesh is akin to, say, murdering my neighbor and assaulting his wife?”

“Yes!” Xander and Garon answered in unison.

“I-I’m sorry,” Takumi said, finally working up the courage to enter the discussion. “Just _what_ exactly is the problem here?”

Garon sipped his drink. “You may not understand because you are Hoshidan. Let me inform you that we Nohrians have a long and proud history of animal husbandry. It was out of necessity at first; our lands were poor for growing crop and the sunlight was scarce, but we still had to eat. Meat is part of our culture, boy.” He turned to Leo then. “And I’ll be damned if my own blood refuses to accept the way he was born!” He slammed his fist on the table again, earning a whimper from Elise and a wince from Takumi.

“Y-you know what?” Elise piped up. “I think I can accept Leo being a vegan. Just… don’t make me vegan.” She shook her head. “I can’t be vegan right now.”

Leo looked Elise in the eyes, hurt. “Elise, it doesn’t work like that.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed you were vegan,” Xander said. “Perhaps I didn’t get the chance to see it because you haven’t been back long, but you don’t look like a vegan, you know? You don’t act like one, either.”

Takumi grimaced at that. “Actually, he announces it, like, every other day at school.”

Leo shot a look at his boyfriend. “I do not.” 

“You kinda do.” 

Camilla rested her head on the backs of her hands, both elbows on the table. She raised her eyebrows and asked, “So who’s the cook, then?” 

“What?” Leo and Takumi asked simultaneously.

“You know…” Camilla drawled. “You can’t _both_ do the cooking, right?”

The couple exchanged looks. 

“I don’t see how that matters,” Takumi said.

“We cook just like anyone else would,” Leo said. 

Garon reentered the conversation. “I’ve worked with vegans before,” he began, picking at the food in his plate, “so believe me, I know what I’m talking about. They only _think_ that being vegan is good for them. They think they need it—that it’s who they are. They’re wrong, it’s a choice.” 

“Is it my choice to send lobbyists to the capital and make the foods that induce chronic health conditions the major recipients of government subsidies?”

“Vegans are sick people, Leo,” his father persisted. “What they really need is a good steak or two and they will realize where they went wrong.” 

Leo muttered, “Because a serving of meat from an animal that OD’ed on hormones and antibiotics is _just_ what I need to be cured.”

“Don’t get smart with me, son. Those vegans are a godless race. They are the ones who will burn in hell when Anankos returns on judgment day.” Garon spat, “Disgusting bastards.”

Takumi stood then. “Sir, I did not want to leave a bad impression with you today, but if I’m being honest, if you keep talking to Leo—your _son_ —in this way, I don’t care what you think, because I don’t care about approval from someone who says such awful things to a person he should love regardless of who he is!” His breathing was labored as a consequence of the anger that he had been holding back and just set free.

Garon glared at his younger son’s boyfriend, who returned his stare despite feeling like he might actually shit his pants.

“Are you a vegan, boy?” Garon asked.

“No, sir. I eat meat.” Takumi gulped. “A-and my name is Takumi, not ‘boy.’ ”

Garon snorted. “Stay with him. You’ll be a good influence on my son,” he said, nodding toward Leo. “Sit, _Takumi_. Eat.”

Takumi looked at Leo, who looked back with an odd mixture of relief and worry. Takumi hastily sat himself down, and immediately searched for Leo’s hand under the table to give it a squeeze. 

Xander leaned back in his seat. “I suppose I can accept Leo’s new veganism. I still think it’s… _distasteful_ … But this is still the same Leo we’ve known all our lives. I can’t just ignore all the memories we’ve built together.”

“Me, too,” Camilla agreed. “It’ll take time to get used to, I admit. But as long as you’re happy now, I’m happy, too.” 

Elise pressed her fingers to her forehead. “Hm…” she hummed in thought. “If it’s between having Leo with us or losing him, I would much rather have him around, even if he is vegan.” She brought her hand down and looked at their father. “Leo’s precious family, no matter what.” 

Leo’s grip on Takumi’s hand tightened. 

Garon’s gaze shifted between his children, all looking at him with almost pitiful anticipation—Leo’s being the worst case. Garon hated how vulnerable it made his most conniving and callous son appear, and he hated how it reminded him of when his son was small enough to be carried on his shoulders, when Leo’s laugher would easily find its way into his ears, and his still-living wife would warn him to be careful and to not let Leo get hurt. 

He hated that he couldn’t hate this child. 

“It’s your life” is all Garon said. Well, that and “Stop holding hands under the table.”

“Yes sir,” Takumi blurted.


End file.
